


Pieces of Potato

by OneEndEARling



Category: Real Person Fiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-15
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-24 07:20:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30068667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OneEndEARling/pseuds/OneEndEARling
Summary: A little mind vomit from 2005, reflections on a past abusive relationship after I watched "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind"





	Pieces of Potato

**Author's Note:**

> A little mind vomit from 2005, reflections on a past abusive relationship after I watched "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind"

A couple of days ago, I was making cream of potato soup for lunch...

_I stirred in the milk, mashed up the cream, and heated everything to just under a boil. Hunger got the best of me, so I started sneaking shallow spoonfulls of broth before the soup was completely cooked. I have a habit of trying to get at least one piece of potato in every spoonful, and as I was trying to catch a particularly rolly cube, Jon came up behind me and kissed my shoulder._

_"Mmm... that smells good. Can I have some?"_

_He knows this sorta bugs me, because he never thinks to eat the stuff unless I'm cooking it, but he also knows I always say okay because... well... I can't say no._

_Once the soup was done, I carried the pot over and seated myself on the couch next to him, in front of the tv. I blew on each spoonful to cool it, and put the first few spoonfuls in my mouth. He whined and nudged me. So I gave him the next spoonful and alternated between us, at least one potato piece with each bite. Every now and then, I'd skip him and give myself two bites in a row, and I'd giggle when he'd look at me and stick out his lower lip._

A couple of days ago, I was making cream of potato soup for lunch...

... And that flashback hit me with such clarity, it was almost like a scene out of "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind."

It's been over a year and a half since Jon and I ended our tumultuous nine-month relationship. I know I'm over him. I haven't thought about him in a long time, and when I do, I don't feel sad. It's just kind of... there. But for some reason, that day, I felt very bittersweet about having that particular memory resurface.

When I watched "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind," I did so because Jon had told me sometime after our breakup that he believed it to be a movie I would really appreciate. "You would get more out of it than most," he had said, softly.

I started watching it three hours ago. But I couldn't finish it. I don't intend to.

Sure, it's a work of fiction, but say you could erase someone from your memory. Could you really erase someone entirely? I thought about this. If I wanted to erase Jon, I'd have to erase all of my memories of the city we lived in together. I love that city, some of my favorite places are there... places we'd found while we were dating.

If I wanted to erase Jon, I'd have to erase my second semester of my third year of pharmacy school... and my first three clerkships of my fourth year. I would probably have to erase my A grade in my psych rotation as well, because Jon stayed up late at night quizzing me and helping me prepare for my exams.

If I wanted to erase Jon, I'd also have to erase the quiet, comfortable feeling I walk with now, knowing that I am capable of loving someone. If not Jon, who would be the boy that would prove to me that I can give myself to something as beautiful and dangerous as love?

As much as we might not want it to be true, I believe that those people we might feel we want to erase most... the ones that hurt us most... also change us the most. There are pieces of them in every thing we do, in all of the decisions we make, well after they have left our lives. There are pieces of them in every part of us.

Just like there's a piece of potato in every spoonful of soup.

And wouldn't you want to live your life that way... with a piece of potato in every bite?


End file.
